To Feel Again
by Yung Warrior
Summary: After the horrific events of the Eclipse, Judeau wakes in a world far different than his own. Will he be able to find serenity in the city of Magnolia?


Pain. Unbearable, searing pain was the last thing that Judeau remembered. The horrific images of the Eclipse would be burned into his mind forevermore. However, the feeling of the demonic Apostle's hot whips on his back was not what he recalled most vividly. Not even the sheer despair that followed when Griffith said the words "I sacrifice" could compare to the heaviness weighing on his heart.

The blonde-haired soldier was filled with cutting regret at his pathetic last words towards Casca, the woman he had loved. He knew that she wasn't his, that he had no right to burden her with his own feelings. He just wished that he could have said something, anything different.

Wave after wave of sheer thought washed over him, and he felt himself slowly drifting into the stream of oblivion_._

_ "Just let me die."_

Then it hit him. He was thinking. If he was thinking, then he must be alive! _"Knowing my luck, I'm probably dead and in Hell. Then again, Hell can't be much worse than whatever that was back there."_ Judeau thought wryly.

He must have been dead; it was the only reason he could think of for why he wasn't suffering. His pain had disappeared, to be replaced by a strange numbness, an ethereal floatiness.

His heart nearly broke when he realized that all of his friends were most likely dead, and most likely suffered the worst punishments possible by the monstrous Apostles before they were finally eaten. He wanted to weep, but found that he couldn't. It was almost like there were no tears left to spare.

Still, he would not mope or whine. He and his fellow Hawks knew that their line of work tended to have a near 100% mortality rate, and Judeau had often wondered how he would cope with the deaths of his comrades.

The answer was simple; he would keep on fighting, until he could no longer could hold a knife in his hands. He wanted to create a better world for tomorrow, and nothing that would happen to him would change that.

Judeau's father had once said; _"Judeau, too many men feel it is beyond their power to change the wrongs they see around them. Instead, they choose to be cynics, and mock those who dare to dream. Be the change you wish to see in the world, my son, for that is what it means to be truly strong!" _

However, Judeau had fighting for so long, and he desired nothing more than a chance to rest, if only for a moment.

Judeau opened his eyes. His blue irises were forced to squint against the blinding sunlight that assaulted him. After the light dimmed and his vision adjusted to his surroundings, what he saw did not match up with the Eclipse at all.

He was not laying on a pile of skulls, but well-paved cobblestone. As he sat up, he saw his dishwater-blonde hair reflecting in a clear blue river. _"Water, not blood." _Judeau thought, nearly chuckling at how absurd it was that he was actually surprised that a river had cooling water in it instead of stinking blood.

He gazed around even further. There were buildings, made by human hands, not from human hands. Gazing at the people walking to and fro, Judeau guessed that was in a large village or settlement.

They were dressed in unorthodox and unfitting garb that seemed to serve little purpose for combat. Judeau's smock and armor looked dreadfully out of place by comparison. He gazed into the water, and saw his visage surrounded by the many faces of his fallen Hawks.

He saw Pippin, Corkus, Gaston, and Guts. They were smiling, and Judeau took care to remember Guts' grin specifically. The normally surly man had a truly beautiful smile. Casca gazed upon him as well, and emotion welled up inside Judeau's miraculously healed body.

Then he saw Griffith, the Falcon of Light's face carefully neutral, empty even. Suddenly, Judeau felt rage boil within him. He had idolized Griffith, even thinking that his dream of creating a kingdom was admirable! He knew now that Griffith would happily send him and the rest of the Hawks to the throes of Hell if it meant a shot at power.

Judeau snatched a pebble from the ground and angrily threw it at the reflection, causing the faces of his former comrades to ripple and disappear.

"Excuse me, sir? I believe you dropped this." A musical voice called out to Judeau. The former Hawk reached for his bandolier, only to realize that he no longer had any of his trademark throwing knives left, having used the last one during the Eclipse.

He did not trust the voice, the paranoid part of him believing it to be some sort of glamour affected by an Apostle to lure in potential victims. When he turned around, he fully expected to be facing an eldritch monstrosity.

What he actually saw was very nearly the opposite of what he expected. A young woman faced him, holding one of his brown leather gloves. She had warm, inviting chocolate brown eyes, sunshine blonde hair, and a curvaceous, buxom figure that would earn her plenty of trouble in Midland. She wore a criminally tight white shirt and blue miniskirt.

_"My, she probably wouldn't last two minutes in Midland." _Was Judeau's first thought. _"Judeau, I thought you decided not to be cynical!?"_ He mentally berated himself.

"Oh, um, thank you." Judeau spoke again for the first time, and his normally smooth alto tones now creaked with hurt and loss. Lucy regarded the man in front of her as she handed him back his glove. Something about him interested her, whether it be his good looks or his unusual garb.

"How come you're wearing armor? Are you a mage?" She asked. Judeau paused. "Am I of age?" he repeated incredulously. The girl scoffed. "Hello? I mean a wizard, a warlock, a MAGE. You know, someone who can do magic."

Judeau was taken aback at her impoliteness. It was clear that mages, as she referred to them, were ubiquitous enough in this world that it was surprising to her that he wasn't immediately on the same page with her.

Of course, Judeau had seen magic at work, and in his experience, it had only ever been used to cause chaos, destruction, and far worse evils than he cared to think of at the moment. And yet, this village seemed to be functioning perfectly well. A spark of hope rose within Judeau. Perhaps, in this world, justice and peace were considered the norm.

"You look a little pale. Are you OK?" She asked him. Wave after wave of nostalgia ripped through Judeau again; Casca would constantly ask if he was OK while she tended to his wounds after a battle, as if to reassure that he was really there.

His eyes swam with emotion, and he could not respond to the girl. He couldn't think of words to say. She prodded his arm, her face wrought with worry. "Come inside, my house is just down the street. I'll give you something to drink, and you can bathe if you want. You smell terrible!" She offered before playfully plugging her nose with her delicate fingers.

The sheer ridiculousness of this offer shocked Judeau out of his reverie. A woman of her beauty inviting a man inside her home like this would be rarely turn out well in Midland. She would be lucky to only end up raped, although the less fortunate ones were often kidnapped and sold as sex slaves to the aristocracy.

Judeau knew that he was nothing like the slime that would stoop to such crimes, but it was fortunate for this young debutante that he was. "Thank you for your kindness. My name is Judeau." The former Hawk said numbly.

"With a name like that, it sounds like you're not from around here. Anyways, I'm Lucy Heartfilia! Nice to meetcha!" She wrung his hand before leading him down the streets of Magnolia.

"This is your home?" Judeau asked. The apartment was very comfy, with a large main room that housed a considerable amount of furniture, such as shelves, desks, and tables.

The young warrior had already cleaned himself off in Lucy's spacious bathtub, but still wore his dirty armor, as the girl did not have any clean clothes for him to wear.

She was now frantically explaining to him about mages, and how she had planned to join a wizard's guild in the near future. Judeau was glad to hear her speak, just to take his mind off of the guilt. She even chattered on about her own special brand of magic; the Celestial Spirit Keys.

"And where are you from?" She had gotten around to asking. Judeau sipped morosely on a cup of hot tea that Lucy provided. "I'm from a pretty bad country. A place called Midland." He said softly. "Can't say I've ever heard of it." Lucy said conversationally.

_"It is good that you haven't." _"Hmm. It's not a very developed nation. I have, us, came here looking for work, so to speak." The Hawk was lying between his teeth. "You could join Fairy Tail!" Lucy exclaimed.

"I beg your pardon?" "Fairy Tail, it's the magic guild I was telling you about! If you discover your magic, you could be a great mage!" She said with sunny demeanor.

"Maybe I will. There are a lot of possibilities open for me." Judeau responded. "Awesome! Maybe I'll see you at the guild someday! Make sure to read Witch Weekly, 'cause pretty soon I'm gonna be on the cover!" She said.

Judeau genuinely laughed, assuming Witch Weekly was a newspaper or magazine of some sort. "I'll be sure to be on the lookout."

After thanking Lucy for her hospitality, Judeau exited onto the busy street, unsure of what to do or where to go next. He chuckled softly, having enjoyed the idealistic young woman's company. However, she got one thing wrong.

He would not become a mage. For that matter, he would never fight again. A lifetime of horrors had desensitized the young man to violence and gore after a while, but the thought of blood spilling in this seemingly perfect world sickened him.

Still, he would feel a lot safer if he had his knives with him. After wandering around for an hour, he finally found a forge. **"Flower Of Iron- Magnolia Forge"** was enscribed on the store's awning. What caught Judeau's eye, however, was a small piece of paper on the window.

"BLACKSMITHS WANTED" was printed on the paper. Judeau grinned. Maybe, after a lifelong struggle, he had finally found peace. The only way to know for sure was to step forward.

**A/N**

**This is definitely a lot different than what I usually write, but I felt compelled to write it nonetheless, if only to give the character of Judeau some kind of closure. I felt that going outside of my comfort zone would be good.**

**How did Judeau end up in Earthland? Was he reincarnated? Is it only a dying hallucination, or some cruel illusion by the Godhand? I'll leave that up to you to decide. Thank you for reading, and if this one-shot made an impression on you, please voice it in a review. Thanks again.**


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